(202): Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
(859): I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
(973): Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
(859): Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
(610): Where did you get a picture of my penis
(313): I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
(1-313): You shut your mouth
(310): Why did I cab home last night?
(1-310): Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
(281): But imagine a dinosaur-themed tramp stamp
...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I'm having quite the grumpycrank day over here, but this cheered me up, if only for the duration of my reading it. Seriously, I could have copied and pasted a gajillion more of these, do yourself a favor and go read it, you'll feel great.