The Weekly Widget & Sassoon

When I lived in New York, I ran a small theatre company called Robot vs Dinosaur, which Molly was a huge part of, even after I moved to Boston, and they started doing ridiculous shows, one of which (365), is referenced in the following. Slightly inappropriate?


Molly: ps:
10:45 AM i just choreographed the whole dance piece for 365 last night by "borrowing" a bunch of gondry video moves
it's going to be the only saving grace of this stupid production
and it's going to fucking ROCK
i still have to teach everyone though...
10:46 AM me: dude, that's the best way to do it:
"the Gondry Lift"
i can't believe she dropped the concept three weeks from the show
10:47 AM Molly: whatever... I've stopped having expectations
10:48 AM it's the only way to get by
me: yeah.
10:49 AM I'll just get Bear Loves Fish up and running and you can come do all of those shows
I'll program a dance number into every on eof the shows, it'll be contractual
Molly: Bear Loves Fish? seriously?
10:50 AM me: no
not seriously
Molly: good
but dance numbers.... yes
me: seriously: aardvark vs road
music loves drugs
Molly: no no no: marshmallow eats toast
10:51 AM me: andrea loves air conditioning
Molly: fingers poke eyes
COFFEE MAKES HAPPY
me: andrea <3 airconditioner
10:52 AM pink skin vs brown skin?

The Weekly Widget & Sassoon

Okay, guilty. I haven't been doing this for awhile. I'm awful. Molly gave up on me, but here I am. I'm not quitting on you, lady! FRIENDSHIP & FASHION!

12:10 PM me: I can't wait for my hair to grooooow
12:11 PM Molly: i've actually started using this:



Molly: i'm convincing myself it's working, but no idea

12:12 PM Molly: also good for horses!
me: oh my
i've had that recommended to me in the past
12:16 PM also, i really want to dress up
which is hard to do when you spend all day chasing tiny babies
12:20 PM this is how i wish to look right now


Molly: that's so julia roberts circa pretty woman

but hot

me: right

i just saw it and was like, "whoa. i'm a tubby schlub"

"and where's all my hair"

Molly: i want that photo if only for the weather

12:22 PM i'm sick of tights and i want to wear sandals

me: its blizzarding out right now

I'M NEVER SICK OF TIGHTS

you should wear this one

Molly: it snowed and now it's raining and everything falling from the sky disgusts me

12:24 PM me: i'm glad its still snow here

12:25 PM ooh, or this, for you

Molly: oooh yeah, second one, minus the weird little dickey and bowtie

are those old fashion week shots or something?

me: lets turn this into you and me

no, i'm trawling the sartorialist

12:29 PM also, i want this to be your baby some day

GIVE IT

okay, i'm done now, i swear

Molly: yeah! i want the swiss miss girl braids

but no cigarettes

me: true

we can just smoke a j insead

12:37 PM Molly: done

me: did you see your baby?

12:38 PM Molly: i want to be wearing that little kid's outfit right now

me: yeah, she pretty much rules

The Weekly Widget & Sassoon

A reminder not to give up and take a lame ol' job:

(FYI, Molly works at an off-shoot of the theatre dept at a very big, hoity-toity New York college)

1:35 PM Molly: ok this is so sad

i am in charge of compiling the alumni newsletter here

it is the bane of my existence and everyone hates it

BUT anyway, i just got this emailed to me as "news":

I am thrilled to inform you that I have recently joined the exciting world of New York real estate.

For those of you who know me as a dancer, do not worry. This does not mean that I have lost my passion for dance and theatre, but that I have found a perfect synergy between my craft and the real estate business. Kelly Swartz

1:36 PM puke

1:38 PM me: i have found a perfect synergy between my face and the toilet

gross

That's right people, get out there and live your dreeeeeeeams! Or maybe that's just the bottle of champagne I just drank talking and you should go ahead and sell real estate...

The Weekly Widget & Sassoon

I'm late with this posting today. And Molly was stuck on a long bus ride waiting for it. So, in honor of my friend, who I failed on her endless bus ride:

0:16 PM Molly: aaaaand i'm drunk again
godddamn

********************************

Molly:
1:31 PM i have to go buy lunch now bc the food i brought isn't actually microwavable as i thought :(
THE WORLD IS TERRIBLE

********************************


2:47 PM me: yes yes. do do.
doo doo
hee hee...
2:50 PM Molly: your face is a doo doo

********************************


me: everything'll be great, and i'll bake you a cake
and we'll be best friends
and the party never ends


6:15 PM Molly: dead baaaaaaby

The Weekly Widget & Sassoon

2:08 PM Molly: someone is giving away a free prosthetic leg on craigslist

i'm going to get it and send it to you

5 minutes

2:14 PM Molly: oh never mind, they're in long island

that's too much effort

but just know that i am such a good friend that i WOULD send you a fake leg

2:19 PM me: such a good friend that you would dangle a sweet free prosthetic leg in front of me and then snatch it away

2:20 PM Molly: yup

The Weekly Widget & Sassoon

11:24 AM Molly: i had a dream last night that i was trying to kill bruce willis

me: and did you succeed?

11:25 AM Molly: nope

i was shoving a clay pot against his chest and it didn't work

so i told him to go away and never come back and he left

i win

11:26 AM me: yeah you do!

Molly: i think it's from watching pulp fiction the other night and then half of 12 monkeys

so much bruce willis on the brain

11:27 AM me: now watch die hard

Molly: oh man

11:28 AM i'm sure it will teach me that there is no way to kill bruce willis with a clay pot

11:30 AM me: that is the most practical lesson your brain has ever taught you

The Weekly Widget & Sassoon

I have the day off today, so I'm using it to do laundry and watch reruns of Beverly Hills, 90210. Needless to say, I am not in a very "serious" mood (which is making looking for jobs quite the mountain to climb.) With that in mind:

8:43 AM me: pandora.com

8:44 AM Molly: is this about underwear?

because it's too early

me: you can type in music you like and it designs a radio station that plays music like that

HA

underwaear's funny...

panties...

Molly: holy crap

The Weekly Widget & Sassoon

1:08 PM Molly: i just got a junk email that proclaimed "dream and lose weight at the same time!"

and the email address was iisjesus@someemail

1:09 PM i is jesus

you is jesus

we all is jesus

1:10 PM Andrea: i is jesus

j is jesus

k is even jesus

holden is singing in his room

he is not jesus

Kids, for real, Molly and I spend WAY too much time chatting online. Every Monday we're each going to post a gem, partly to brighten up your Mondays, and partly because we think we're really funny.